2011 Thanksgiving Day 4 : Self Discovery

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Because it was my first time to be in a long-term relationship (5 years… before that, 1 year and 3 months) and to experience all the heartaches that come with the end of something you believed will last a lifetime, I was confused. I was desperately struggling to find myself again. I may not looked it, but I was treading singlehood like I was in unknown waters.

For months, I tried different things to test and see what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve been burnt, made mistakes, and affected a couple of people along the way. I know I hurt and lost the trust of someone I held dear to me, but I hope in time, he’ll find it in his heart to forgive me. I know not any ounce of sincere apology can make him trust me again and that he may never understand what I’m going through, but it’s something I had to do for myself. I may have other reasons for doing what I did, but the main reason was I needed to do something for MYSELF so I can continue on towards being truly happy.

And now, I can confidently say that I know where I’m going. It may be a long winding road, but at least I know I’m going somewhere familiar.

As much as I’d like to share with you, my friends, what this self discovery is all about, I can’t go into the details yet until I’m settled in. Just know that I am happy with all the crazy turns I took throughout the year.

This self-realization is not just about work or my career, but also something more personal. I have lost myself and forgot about what I truly enjoy. I missed my friends who I haven’t seen for a long time. I missed doing things on my own. I missed my independence. I missed the satisfaction and “Il Dolce Far Niente”, the art of doing nothing (oh, Eat, Pray, Love). And because I managed to bring them all back into my life gradually over the past months, you might have noticed it too - I can now smile again. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Oh, I no longer blame my past relationship for whatever happened that caused me to lose myself. It was all me. I have forgiven myself and I believe it made me discover a lot of things about my limits, my weaknesses and how much I can take before I give in to anger, sadness or fear. And, again, for that, I’m thankful.

Credits: In a Moment of Realization, quote