On Facebook Relationship Status and All That Drama

Tweet

Pin It

In this day and age, when Facebook seems to be the easiest and quickest way for people to communicate with each other or to rekindle relationships (platonic or romantic), everything you post now or declare on your profile or your wall matter. Whether you find it lame or not, we all have to acknowledge the fact that that's what this world is coming down to. There's a digital world out there that's depicting reality.

Take for instance this video I saw on Youtube about Facebook's relationship status feature. The question was when it would be appropriate to change your relationship status on Facebook when you're dating or seeing someone.

Some may find it really funny that people are making a big deal out of this relationship status feature on Facebook. Well, I say if you're confident enough about your relationship with someone, you wouldn't even have to think or worry about it. But, for some people, me included, it's like wearing your wedding ring when you're married. You just got to declare if you're single or not, if you're ready to mingle or in a committed relationship. This way, people won't get the wrong impression that you're interested or you're still available for flirting.

Okay, some may argue that there's really no way to avoid other people flirting with your boyfriend or girlfriend even when they've declared they're in a relationship with you on Facebook, but, still, it's one way for you to show that you're proud to be with someone. It wards off most who'd take interest on you.

Now, you might be wondering what triggered me to blog about this when my Facebook relationship status indicates I'm single. This is actually a reaction to most of the people on my list who change their relationship status on there like it's just a simple status message.

 (image credit)

When Should I Change my Relationship Status?

From the video above, they talked about how important it is for couples to discuss or agree on changing their relationship status on Facebook.

I completely agree on this. It's like in real life, you need to talk if you're already a couple or not. If you haven't had that talk yet or he/she doesn't refer to you yet as his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, then, that only means it's not time yet for you to change your status on Facebook.

I remember dating someone early this year and the guy wanted me to change my status barely a month into our relationship. I didn't change mine and didn't accept his request. It really upset him even after I explained that it's not time yet for us to declare anything. I wasn't ready. He won't respect my decision. Needless to say, we're no longer in speaking terms. How mature, eh? Good riddance, I say.

The video above also mentioned about giving up power to the other party when you initiate the status change. I agree in a way. It's like saying "I love you" and not getting the same response. It'll suck. So, gauge if your partner is just way too shy to ask you or he/she doesn't want to change his/her status at all.

 

A Facebook Status Change Defines Your Relationship… ?

A friend of mine before said it's not really important to her for her bf to change his Facebook relationship status to "In a Relationship" with her. But, then, she negated her statement a few seconds after that by claiming she was the one who requested for the status change. So, I asked her, "If he didn't accept, how would you feel?". She said it'll be okay, but I don't believe her considering the fact that she was the one who initiated it without discussing it with her bf yet. We'll be having a completely different discussion if he declined. I know it for a fact.

I also hear other people saying that they don't need to change their relationship status to consider being in a REAL connection with someone. I agree. We don't need it. But, if both of you are active on Facebook, it's one way of showing the world you're together.

If your partner doesn’t want to change his/her relationship status for you, it could mean a lot of things. One of which is he/she isn’t ready yet to move on to the next level with you. If they continue to dismiss that it’s not important to change your status on Facebook to “legitimate” your relationship after months (or worse, years) of being together, it can be considered a red flag. Is he/she just really not into the “customary” changing of relationship status on Facebook or it’s for a completely different reason? I mean, if you’ve shown or expressed that it’s important to you that you both declare you’re together, then, why can’t he/she respect it and just change his/her goddamn status? *LoL*

 

Red Flags!!

Speaking of red flags, I just have to mention that there are some you'd have to be wary of when being in a relationship with someone who's active on Facebook. If you experience this with anyone, be alarmed.

• He/she doesn't want to add you to his/her Facebook list and his/her wall is set to private or you can't see their posts. I mean, seriously? What could be his/her reason for doing so if you’re already dating?
• He/she removes your sweet notes or posts on his/her wall. He may say it’s because his/her colleagues or boss may see your posts and may consider them inappropriate. But, c’mon. It’s not like you’re posting on their intranet site at work, right?
• He/she doesn't allow you to tag him/her on your photos together, even when they are REALLY decent photos of them.

Just like in real life, these actions shouldn’t be ignored. But, don’t get all worked up on these issues without talking with your partner first. He/she might have a VERY GOOD reason (read: excuse) for acting like so.

 

Breaking Up through Facebook and All That Facebook Wall Drama

When my 5-year relationship with someone ended last year, I only changed my status when I saw my ex change first. I changed mine and removed the post on my wall immediately. I didn't want anyone on my list feasting on the fact that our relationship already ended. I didn't want anyone asking questions on Facebook, wanting to know what happened. If they were truly concerned, they'd ask me privately. But, seriously, I didn't want to make a public announcement that we're no longer together.

One way to break up with someone… change your Facebook relationship status to “single”.

Months after we broke up, there were even people who were shocked to learn it the first time that I'm already single. They said they didn't see my status change. I said it was a show of respect towards whatever happened in our relationship, what we had together. Breaking up with someone wasn't something I’d be proud of.

This is why I don't understand why some people change their relationship status so quickly like it's just a normal Facebook status message. For instance, I know of 2 people who were dumped through Facebook. Yes, the other party simply changed their relationship status to "Single" without even talking to them about it. No closure, no obligatory discussion or goodbyes, nothing. Just a plain relationship status change on Facebook. That sucked. How immature.

One of the people I mentioned above was with her bf for over a year. They had an argument and didn't communicate for a day. She was surprised to see his status change on Facebook to "Single". When she tried to contact him, he wouldn't answer. He then removed her from his friends list. All her friends, me included, told her to forget about him. Not worth it.

Fast forward 9 months, she's now happy with someone else who treats her like she means the world to him. Last time I checked her profile, I saw photos of their trip to the Grand Canyon, with trekking poles and all, and the guy’s tagged on all the photos. Truly happy for her after that heartbreaking relationship with a guy who didn't have the balls to break up with her to her face.

I guess that's one of the many disadvantages in this digital world we live in now. There are people who think that changing your relationship status won't cause as much pain as telling someone face-to-face that you want a break or you need some space. It's actually worse, if you ask me. Why?

First, more people will learn about the status of your relationship. If your partner changes his/her status to "It's complicated" after you had a major argument, surely, there'll be people gossiping about you and all. It's like announcing to the world that you're having problems when you should be discussing about it and resolving issues privately.

Secondly, if you both have the other party's friends and family in your list, imagine their reactions. It's just not proper, especially when you’ve been together for a long time and you’re past the meet-the-parents/family stage.

Lastly, it's plain disrespectful. For sure, someone you consider to be in a REAL relationship with deserves REAL conversations and resolutions than a mere Facebook relationship status change.

 

 

Final Notes on Facebook Relationship Status

• Should you even bother changing your status from "single" to "It's complicated"? To me, it's either you're in a relationship or you're not. Don't kid yourself.
  
  
• If you haven't had that semi-awkward discussion if you should change your relationship status on Facebook, DON'T initiate it. Again, for me, it should be a mutual decision.
  
  
• Don’t change your Facebook relationship status like there’s no tomorrow. People may develop their own perceptions of you like you don’t take relationships seriously or, worse, you’re easy.
  
  
• Wouldn't it be nice and oh-so-sweet to be with someone who's proud to be with you, may it be online or in the real world?
  
  
• A friend of mine recommended that if you’re not married yet, don’t change your Facebook relationship status. What do you think?
  
  
• Please use the Facebook relationship status feature wisely and considerately. Real people and real feelings are affected even in the digital world we mingle in. Don’t change your status just because you had an argument. Don’t even use it to blackmail anyone. Sheesh. @_@

 

To end this post, I'd like to leave you with this video of the Facebook relationship statuses that we might have in the future...

Obviously, that’s a joke. I literally laughed out loud upon watching this vid, especially that option for "I'm ignoring a lot of red flags". Hahahaha.

Share your thoughts about this post, will yah? What’s your Facebook relationship status now?