Love, Let Me Count The Ways : A Valentine's Day Post

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It's the love month again and this will be the FIRST TIME since I started officially dating or being in a relationship (I started when I was 15, by the way) that I'm single on Valentine's day. I'm not in anything serious with anyone anyway so I guess I'll be flying solo today, on Heart's day. Even after years of being with someone special every February, I can say now that it's actually okay to be single on Valentine's day.

The other night, while I was reading Eat, Pray, Love (I'm almost done!), I came to thinking about how I've been in the love department the past decades of my life. How come, at 30, I'm still single, not married and why I don't have a kid yet. Okay, the last one has nothing to do with how I handled my relationships, though I really thought I'd get pregnant early (and I won't go into details about that anymore heheh).  Still, it really got me thinking what went wrong and why I'm still single.

After looking back at my failed relationships, I have concluded that there are things I need to work on. I mean, seriously. I've had 4 major or serious relationships, and a "few" short-term relationships. The longest one I've been in was my last, which has revealed a lot about me. That was 5 years I'd never get back. No regrets 'cause I've learned a lot about myself and what I really want from someone I'd be spending the rest of my life with. And with that thought in mind, plus an inspiration from this post, this is my 2011 Valentine's day post about what I really want in terms of me being in a relationship.

Just like Vicky, I strongly believe that love should be measured, there should be "quantifiable evidence of love". I've learned from my past relationships that if I can't find a reason why I love someone, what they do to make me want to stay with them, that means I'm simply blinded by the inexplicable butterflies in my stomach. And it's not 100% love. It's partly my imagination working its spell on me. Yeah, some may argue and say that "Love is blind", well, you're interpreting that saying in a whole crazy way, trust me. And it's not healthy.

So, what am I saying?! I'm saying I'M WORTH IT. If someone really wants to be with me, then, he needs to do the work to keep me, to make me stay… at least acknowledge, understand and accept that I need someone who can love me the way I want to be loved. You may have your own ways of showing love, but for me to know you're serious and you truly want to be with me, you HAVE to know what makes me feel special… how you can show ME you love me. Words are NEVER enough.

Starting now, I will NEVER settle for anything less than a romantic, passionate relationship with someone. And if that means I'd be single forever, then, I guess that's what I'd be. *knocks on wood* ^_^ But, hey, I respect that my future special someone has his own list, too. I still believe in COMPROMISE. Compromise and settling are 2 different things, you see. I guess that's what's wrong with myself in the past when I'm in a relationship. I thought I had to settle to compromise with the person I'm with. Once or twice, yeah, I got really blinded. Now, I know what I need.

This post is not dedicated or directed to anyone specific. This list is simply some of the ways that can really make me feel someone loves me truly or cares about me; some of the ways I measure someone's love for me. It might be too much of a giveaway, but at least, that future someone will have an idea of what I really want, right? *LOL* Well, that is if he gets to read this. If I let him read this. They're not demands, okay? My future special someone doesn't have to do everything on this list, but these are just some things I'd really appreciate if done for me. :)

This post may be updated from time to time as I think of more. Yes, I might have more in the future. And, by the way, all you see below weren't arranged in the order of importance, but rather randomly. They range from super babaw to serious stuff.

 

How do I measure your love for me?

• Sing to me. I love music and I love singing along to all kinds of songs. So, it'll be really romantic if you can sing for me or with me. It doesn't matter if you can't carry a tune or you're tone-deaf.
• Dedicate a song to me. Mean it.
• Hug me. I love hugs. ^_^
• It took me years to quit so, please, don't invite me to smoke.
• I'm on a quest to fulfill things I have on my bucket list. So, I want to be with someone who'd LOVE to join me accomplish everything on it.
• Make plans with me.
• Take an interest in what I love doing - blogging, designing, writing in general, reading, etc - no matter how geeky they may be.
• I'm not into talking about my feelings unless I really have to or I feel there's a serious need to. So, listen to me.
• When I talk about my problems, don't offer a solution or unsolicited advice. Most of the time, I already know what to do and I just want someone to LISTEN.
• Make love to me. Whatever kind of love-making - wild, sweet, romantic, passionate, crazy - I'm into at the moment.
• Text or call me everyday. No, not every second of every day. Just let me know what/how you're doing, where you are, etc. I won't interrogate you. Constant communication just makes me feel you think of me, too, when I'm not around.
• Slow dance with me.
• When I'm sick, care for me. Not just with words. Come over, hug me and prepare hot tea for me.
• I can be a bit bitchy, sarcastic and inconsiderate at times, especially when I'm stressed or upset. Forgive me when I'm a bitch to you. It happens to even the best of us.
• Introduce me to your friends and your family.
• Show genuine interest in meeting my family and getting close to them. They're the most important people in my life so they should also matter to you.
• Be open to the idea of having a kid with me. If you already have a kid, that's not going to stop me from wanting to have my own.

• I don't think I'm the marrying kind. At least not yet. Don't open that subject unless you're ready to propose and you believe we're ready for that kind of commitment.
• Be patient with me. I can be crazy at times, like I can start a fight or argument for no reason at all.
• Don't test my patience. I may be the most patient person you know, but I hate waiting and broken promises.
• Don't promise anything unless you're ready and determined to fulfill it. I hate being disappointed. Just surprise me.
• When I text you, reply. It doesn't have to be immediately, but reply within the day unless it's after 12 midnight and you were sleeping when I sent it.
• If you smoke, don't do it inside the bathroom. I hate coming in and out smelling like I smoked a pack of cigarettes. Be considerate.
• I can be a little emotional at times, even when watching a flick or even American Idol. I get touched easily, so when I do, don't laugh. Just hold me and say "Aaaaaaw". ^_^
• Remember special dates like my birthday, our anniversary, or even our monthsary.
• Never ever curse at me.
• Never ever hurt me physically. That'll be a real deal-breaker for me and I won't be looking back.
• Tell me about your work, your problems, your feelings, your interests. I'll listen and offer advice if you want it.
• Get me involved in your life. Invite me to do things you enjoy or you're interested in.
• Let me in when making decisions, especially if they'll affect me or our relationship.
• I have a knack in telling if someone's keeping a secret from me. So, be as honest as you can be. I can handle the truth, trust me.
• Trust me. I'm sick of games and I hate lying so believe that almost all the time, I'll be honest with you, too.
• Go shopping or window-shopping with me.
• Keep a photo of me or us in your wallet, or in a photo frame at your house, work desk, etc.
• Keep a photo album of me and you on your Facebook account.
• Change your relationship status to "In a relationship with (me)" accordingly.
• Don't patronize me. Ever.
• Let me introduce you to my friends. They're important to me, too.
• Go on food trips with me. Tell me what you think of the food, too. Take interest in being part of my food blog. ^_^
• Cook FOR me and WITH me. The kitchen is one of my fave places to bond with people.
• Travel the Philippines and the world with me.
• Don't look at other women when I'm with you. Respect.
• Always make sure that I reach orgasm. Listen to my needs to help me reach it every time we make love.
• Be okay with showing your vulnerability around me. It's okay. I'm your partner, not someone who'll ridicule you for your mistakes or shortcomings.
• Convince me to sleep earlier or to sleep the same time you do.
• Make time to be with me, even just to hang out or watch a corny flick.
• Respect my privacy. Don't ask for my passwords to my Facebook account or my email. Don't even attempt to read my journal/s.
• Think of me when we're not together. Miss me.
• Say I'm beautiful out of the blue.
• Make me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
• Respect that I need my alone time. Don't take it personally. I just need to be with myself sometimes.
• When I seduce you, set aside everything you're doing. It can take as short as 5 minutes if I'm really into it.
• Respect my opinion, my views. I would really appreciate it if we agree to disagree without holding grudges after.
• Have the guts to face me and say goodbye if you want to end US for good.
• Be concerned about my health without being too pushy about the subject. I'm particularly sensitive about my weight so be extra careful when you talk to me about it.
• If I hurt you, let me know. I sometimes can be really clueless. Don't hold a grudge.
• Don't keep me hanging. If you can't come, call or do anything I ask you to, be honest.
• After smoking or doing anything nasty (after CR break, picking your nose, etc), let me give you alcohol. Respect my OC-ness when it comes to germs. *LOL*
• Though I can take care of myself, I still want to be treated like a lady. Open the door for me, pull up a chair for me, etc.
• Be okay with splitting the check with me or me spending money on you when we go out.
• Spend money on me. It can be on a romantic date, or a simple pasalubong when you come and visit me.
• Understand that I've got a business to run and so make adjustments when you plan to meet up.
• Surprise me.
• Be sensitive about my feelings. Think before you say anything.
• Take interest in my past. Not in my past relationships, but how my life was when I was a child and while growing up. My past has made me who I am now.
• Plan to hang out with me and my family.
• Take photos with me and of me. Also, allow me to take photos of you at random moments.
• Be proud to be with me. Talk about me with your friends, colleagues or family. Post about us on Facebook or wherever online. ^_^
• Demand for my attention when I seem to not be giving you any for some reason. I can sometimes get too focused on what I'm doing and neglect you. Understand it's nothing personal.
• Hold my hand… while we're out or even when we're just sitting at the sofa or in the bedroom, watching TV or a movie (especially when it's a suspense or horror flick).
• Read my blog posts or things I write and publish… AFTER I've posted them, not while I'm writing.
• Offer to pick me up after anything I do with friends like shopping (grocery, window or kikay), drinking/partying, blogger events, etc.
• Cuddle with me for at most an hour. I love cuddling. ^_^
• Say or whisper "I love you" before hanging up the phone or parting ways.
• Compliment me about anything I'm doing right.
• Give me a foot massage from time-to-time, without expecting anything in return.
• Let me take care of you.
• Tell me when I'm too much - too open, too blunt, too emotional, too sensitive, too snobbish, too bitchy, too anything.
• Don't hover when I'm doing something on my computer or on my journal.
• Buy stuff with me.
• Let me and trust me to do stuff for you.
• When shopping for gifts for me, take into serious consideration that I'm not into expensive gifts. I prefer personalized or useful gifts. Not into jewelry either, except for earrings and rings.
• When asking me out on a date, as much as possible, have something concrete or specific in mind. Though I also enjoy just winging it, let's not do it all the time.
• Be silly with me.
• Allow me to talk about you and us on my blog (sometimes, with photos and all). Don't worry, nothing too specific, detailed or out-of-bounds.
• When I say I'm hurt, acknowledge it. Saying you didn't mean it, you had no clue or it wasn't your intention won't wash away the pain. Just let it fade.
• Hate seeing me hurt or crying.
• I'm not into public display of affection (PDA), but you can kiss me on the cheek, a quick smack or hold me close to you when we're out.
• Don't force me to do something I really don't want to do. When I say "no" 5 times, stop pushing it.
• Kiss me. Steal kisses from me. Kiss me passionately. Kiss me before we part ways. Kiss me after making love. Kiss me while we make love.
• Pray with me. We may believe in different things or we have different religions or beliefs, but there's only one God.
• Sweaty men are hot. But, please, try to be as mabango for me as possible. ^_^
• As gently as you can, tell me honestly when you don't love me anymore. If I ask why, please, don't explain. At least not right after you say you're ending us.

I bet that whatever your relationship status is - single, in a relationship, complicated, MOMOL (hahaha) or happily married for years - you have your own list of ways you can say that someone loves you. We may have a lot of the same things on your list, and then some that are completely opposites of mine. But, one thing's for sure - all these things make us feel loved. So, you see, LOVE should be measured. Don't you agree?!

If you come up with your own list, let me know at the comments section. I'll link you up on this post. :)

For now, I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day!

Image credits: With Love, Love is…, Our Wedding Bands